Growing up

 This is a deep one. 

I have been in a 'transitional period' here in the past few months and this part of my life has just been a little hard! 

I have just been ALL over the place with my emotions and with my heart strings and.....just whew! :)

I had my thoughts and emotions put into perspective, yesterday, when I spent the day with Nannie. 

She has been sick with pneumonia so I went to help her out and spend some time with her. You wouldnt have thought she was sick. She was just like usual. We had a great day together and it was good for my heart to go!

So.................

what's been on my mind you wonder............????

Well....

I dont even know, really, where to begin, or how to even express it without rambling (to which I am good at!) :)

Both my girls are growing up. 

Just this week, BIG things have happened in their life that, for me, is just all happening at once and I havent prepared myself for the fact that no matter how bad I want Lily's aqua blue room to stay blue............

time has changed and she is no longer a 'baby' and things have changed.

Driving, dating, boyfriends, first jobs, high school and even making the play room now the 'movie room' because I was told that 'we dont play in there anymore Momma' .................... is just happening over here in my world and it is rocking me!

I feel left with a feeling that I have never felt before of being really sad that both girls are no longer the little sassy selves that once was but so happy to see them in their new stages of life.

I just have to jump in the new stages and embrace them while still trying to treasure the past but get over the fact that what I want to hold on to is officially..................over.

When I spent the day with Nannie yesterday, it made me realize how quickly life goes by and while chatting with her that ready or not, I am in the stages that I am and I just need to keep doing my best to guide my girls and show them that I am here for them and love them. 

Sometimes I feel like I am a complete failure as a Mom. Especially with TWO teenage girls. Sometimes it feels I cannot do right to do wrong! ha! I saw a quote that said...............'If we are sisters and we are fighting, do not try to stop us or get in the middle....because we will turn on you.'

I felt that!

The girls and my relationship has changed and some days I feel I am barking orders more than I am doing anything else. I know...........I know, everyone says...they are teenagers, they dont clean their room, they dont do this but they do that. Well, it is hard! ha! It is hard being a Mom to teenagers. NO question to me harder than the baby stage! 

So, between all the new changes and stages that are coming my way, mixed with all things teenager, but throw in my complete excitement about what is all happening for them.........BUT, me also trying to teach them lessons that will hopefully help them in their future but 'not be over bearing' BUT trying to 'help guide' them...........while me being 'mean' is something I just have to get over.....

........is leaving me with my head spinning! 

Soooo.......yeah.......

I dont know.

Pastor Derek did a sermon, once, about saying the 'I dont know' prayer.

Well, I have done a good bit of those!

Lord, I dont know right now what I even want to pray about because I am overwhelmed, but help me. 

He listens, He knows. 

That's all that matters.

I am thankful, I am blessed, I am excited, scared, nervous, happy, honored, loved, and I can go on but I also know that HE is right there beside me helping me on this path he's provided so I can rest in Him.

Painting Lily's room is a big sign of her growing up.....but spending the day with Nannie made me realize how fast time flies and that no matter what life may throw at me, or how fast my head spins, with it all, this little life of mine is something I am thankful for. Even on the days when life is hard or I feel like I am doing everything wrong, I know that at the end of the day that I have two beautiful girls and a pretty great husband that God has given me.

All things 'baby Lily'................disappearing with the grey!

A big perspective for me that even at 87, get up..................dance...............live your life. Do the best you can, give it all to God. Be thankful, be humble. Do your best to let HIM shine through you. 

Nannie told me that it is in my genes to live to her age...............

if so, OH to think about and only if the Lord determines!