Today

Soooo....

today comes every year.

Every year I always pray that today is a beautiful, blue skied day as that is exactly how it was the day my Dad died.

Im thankful that he died on a day that was beautiful and that the last thing he did was something he loved as that helps me know that he was truly happy and carefree!

I was off today, with the girls, and we had a great 'girl' day together just running some errands and having lunch.

We talked about Pops. Rode by where he used to work, and then Lily asked where he was buried.

See....I just have not been to his grave.

I can not bring myself to go.

He is not there, I know he is not there and I just cant get my body to go.

Whenever I need to talk to him, need to say hi, need to feel like he is there, I look to the sky. Any day...any time. I dont need his grave to feel close to him.

Every time I have tried to go, I literally start getting anxious and dizzy and just cant breathe.

Well, when Lily asked, I asked Alexis and she wanted too also, so we headed to Alexandria.

The whole way there....I just couldnt fight back the tears. I held them in and slightly wiped when I had to. I started getting anxious. It is just the oddest/strangest feeling that I just hate.

So, we turned into the cemetery. I was wondering if I would find it as last time I tried, I got so upset and dizzy that I left before even getting to it.

But, I remembered the tree around 2 curves so I pulled up beside the tree. We all got out and we walked around and there it was. We found it. It is such a peaceful cemetery. Its really nice and clean and well kept.

The girls asked about {what seemed like} 10,000 questions. I just stood there, not able to speak and told them to ask me again when we got back into the car. I was glad I took them so they know and can say they have had a chance to go. I explained to them how Pops is in Heaven. I explained how I felt and I feel they understood. It was a good day.

I know my Dad is looking down on me. I know he is in a better place. I know he is happy there. I know he is smiling down on me. I know he is protecting me. I know I can speak to him and feel him any day and time...no matter where I am. I know that my Dad may not be fully happy with the way the world is down here and for that, my heart hurts. But I also know, that God is in control and I know that I can give it all to Him and I can follow His path he as made for me and have my Dad help me along the way. For that, I am thankful. This day comes every year but every year I know, my Dad loves me and one day I'll see him again and oh what a day that will be!

I chose not to look down at him....as he is not there. I said hello to my Dad today as I looked above. I smiled and I know he smiled!