Today was a rough day for me after I talked to Meagan, and found out some very sad news. I struggle with this daily and what happened has hit me like a ton of bricks ~ and it scares me to death.
Meagan dated this very nice, straight laced, hard working, comes from a great family guy pretty much throughout her Senior year of high school. He was older and went off to Auburn for college. Blake made good grades, he had been selected for a great job this summer at the beach, he had never been in trouble, and him and his family went to our old church and we would see him with his mom and dad when he would come home from school.
I have been to college at Auburn. I have experienced "college" life. I know what it is all about....what it is like. With that being said...Blake got into trouble with the police for drinking under age this past Saturday night. (Minor in possession) Well, coming from a "stricter" family, having never been in trouble before, not wanting to disappoint his family with the news of him getting in trouble, for the fear of jeopardizing the opportunity of his new job this summer and the pressures of just being a typical college student....he took his own life. When Meagan told me the news, I was heart broken!
I have seen the "side" of kids growing up where their parents "are their best friend" and not a strict parent. I have seen the "side" where the "kids get away with everything." I have seen how typically those kids have turned out in life to be in trouble their whole life or are really bad addicted to drugs.
Well, this is the first time where I have seen the "other side"....where the parents are too "strict"...and the aftermath of what could happen as a result of this way....of parents dealing with their kids.
Where is the balance??..........
Now, I know that Blake taking his own life is pretty extreme result of "parents being strict" (and there could always be "more" to the story than we know) but nonetheless...this has been eye opening for me. I struggle daily with being the "bad guy" (I will be the bad guy if I need to be)..and then also wanting, though, to be my girls' "best friend." I am constantly getting onto Alexis for her to "act" right...for her to stop doing something she knows she isnt supposed to be doing...for her to be respectful. I also have been finding myself getting onto Lily too. BUT...I dont want them to "hate" me...to be upset. I want to be their "friend" too. SOOO...it is a daily struggle for me because I feel like this situation hits so close to me with how my brother and I were raised.
I guess with this struggle...I just have to have faith that I am doing the best I know how to do from experiences I have been through....seen....know.
I just want my girls to know that no matter what, that I do love them with all of my heart, whether I have to be the "bad guy" or not. I want them to know that they can ALWAYS come to me with any situation that they have because more than likely I have "been there, done that" (though they may throw some "curve balls" at me)...and can give them the help/advice needed to help them. As their mother, I promise to do whatever in my power to get them the help they need, to help steer them to the path God has chosen for them. I hope they have bright and happy futures and that they contribute to society----but if they stray from their path, that there are consequences to be faced---but NO matter what, no problem or situation is ever too bad and it could always be worse. I will always love them no matter what "curve balls" they throw at me!
Train up a Child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Prov 22:6
Blake and Meg
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